Well, sadly, I must cancel the first summer special episode of Holy Shit! Fuck Yeah! Awesome Squad. However, I shall take this time to introduce a few characters from this hopefully-coming-soon special.
Jay "Le Chevalier Blanc" Simpson - This slick metrosexual gallops out of the darkness, clothed all in white, gleaming katana in one hand, the other firmly grasping the mane of his faithful unicorn steed. His muscular thighs grip the white-haired flanks of his mount as his battle-cry echoes through the night: "HATERS GONNA HATE!" A knight in deed as well as name, he roams the earth, seeking chaste maidens to free from bondage, if only to put them in a little bondage of his own. In battle, he is a storm of steel, his legendary blade cleaving all foes and leaving naught but carnage in his wake, like the deadly tornadoes of his homeland, the desolate wastes called Kan-Sas by mortal men.
Vince - Le Chevalier Blanc's trusty steed, Vince is a foul-mouthed little toad, forced into servitude to this walking hard-on as punishment from the forest gods for violating one too many virgins.
Zach "Killah McTightpants" Zmijewski - This pasty, methed-out bloodsucker skulks through the shadows of rural America, dealing out justice from the barrel of his trusty Desert Eagle and the tips of his deadly claws. His bestial ways guide him to his natural prey: trailer park denizens, cheap whores, and overworked computer programmers. No meth dealer is safe from his wrath, and his twitchy features have been the last sight of many an abusive law officer. While his missing teeth can be a slight turn-off, his tight, bulging leather pants have delivered on their promise for so many country lasses.
The Holy Shit! Fuck Yeah! Awesome Squad is a loose coalition of mavericks and loose cannons, dedicated to preserving the freedom of oversexed, drugged-out wackos across the globe. With no definite organization and no official leader, the squad has avoided all attempts at censure from various supernatural agencies, and the individual members are far too bad-ass to be bothered by the pitiful efforts of their lamesauce "peers" to restrain them.
Killah sat in the dingy booth, nursing his coffee. Big shit was going down, and even he was going to need help with a problem this nasty. He had put out the word, and hopefully help would be arriving. The clatter of hooves on asphalt outside drew his eye, and he watched a dashing figure astride a proud unicorn slew to a halt. The white-coated figure strode into the diner, pausing for a moment to plunder a passing damsel, leaving her in his wake as she waves after him and asks him to call her. The legendary Le Chevalier Blanc strolled leisurely through the diner, women swooning at his passage. He slid into the booth opposite Killah.
"What's going down? Your message made it sound like Armageddon."
"It just might be. I've been picking up some hints that one of our colleagues has gone rogue."
"Really? They going straight?"
"No. I'm picking up a lot of hints that he's gone mastermind on us."
"Fuck. Who is it? Chesty Strongbody? Hawk Masterson?"
"I wish. Every hint I'm getting points right at the Werebuddha."
"Fuck me running. We're going need some help. Werebuddha's one of the scariest bastards out there. What made him turn to the dark side?"
"I don't know. But it must have been something bad."
The two sat in silence, contemplating what may as well be the end of the world.
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