Per your requests...

So, a number of friends, both the players I afflict (and who occasionally afflict me back) and those of you upon whom I have inflicted accounts of the misery that are flung back and forth across my gaming table, have requested that I begin to blog about these experiences, in order to distribute the weight of my atrocities across the internet.  For this first entry, as it is stupid late and I have no desire to stay up any longer than I have to, I include two brief stories concerning an OWoD Mage game I just wrapped up.  The names of the players will not be disclosed, in order to protect what fragile shreds of their reputations they may retain.

"I just finished my 6 month OWOD Mage chronicle this week. In the course of the story, two of the PCs (a male Ecstatic Cultist and a female Hermetic of House Flambeau) fell in love and decided to get married. After copious wedding preparat...ions that were consistently interrupted by the Ecstatic's psychotic ex-girlfriend (a fellow Ecstatic and terrorist), they ended up eloping to Vegas, where the other PCs and a selection of NPCs decided to throw them bachelor and bachelorette parties. The Ecstatic's bachelor party, which started off with lots of naked people, booze, and two dwarfs in lederhosen climbing a replica Matterhorn sculpted entirely out of cocaine, inspired the Ecstatic to cast his Zeitgeist rote, to call upon the spirit of Bat Country (the rote evokes the spirit of a time and place, such as 1920s Paris, WWII America, or 1980s Britain if you have a yearning for punk). As a side effect, this effect also called up the spirit of Hunter S. Thompson. The Ecstatic then proceeded to embark on an epic bender, in the company of Thompson, the PC Mokole, Mike Tyson, and a shady character by the name of Tuco Jimenez, a full-time Mexican gangster and part-time Aztec priest. Highlights of the night (which is all the two PCs can remember) include a raid on a private zoo to free the animals, epic quantities of tequila, coke, and jaguar blood, an 18 inch tall Mike Tyson in a prize fight against a vicious fighting rooster (Mike knocked the shit out of the chicken, but was left confused because he couldn't find its ear), and aimlessly wandering around the backside of Vegas, looking for more coke, tequila, and jaguar blood. The next morning, our heroes found themselves passed out on the side of the freeway outside Vegas, the Ecstatic dressed in a full tuxedo sans trousers with Thompson's infamous revolver tucked into his boxers, and the Mokole in gator form, too stoned to revert to homid."

 

"One of my mage players has reminded me of another amusing moment earlier in the chronicle. Upon reawakening her childhood memories, the Flambeau Hermetic convinces her Ecstatic boyfriend to help her travel back in time and pull a Heinlein ...on her Verbena mother before her Progenitor father kills her. They are accompanied by the Hermetic's Fianna Galliard brother and the aforementioned Mokole. Through the course of this little escapade, Mom is saved, and the Mokole volunteers to stay with her and keep her safe through the next 18 years. The Hermetic, the Ecstatic and the Fianna get back to the Chantry of the past, break in, and reach the Ecstatic Sanctum (because paradox is a bitch). At this most inopportune moment, the Ecstatic realizes that his supply of designer drugs has run dry. He turns to the Hermetic and says, "Abby, take off your clothes, we need to have sex, RIGHT NOW." Abby responds with, "I am not having sex with you in front of my brother," quickly followed by the Fianna saying, "You are not fucking my sister right in front of me." At this, the Ecstatic sighs, whips off his belt, loops it around his neck with the dangling end hanging down his back, drops trou, grabs the loop behind him with his left hand, sticks his left thumb up his ass, and proceeds to beat off with his right hand as he casts the rote. With all of this, I could not resist the words I uttered next: "With a splash of cum, you are all blasted into the future."

With that delightful kickoff, I leave you with a programming note.  I will begin by chronicling two separate campaigns: The Greatest of Evils, a pseudo-Victorian tale of adventure and intrigue in the 3.5 Eberron setting, and Gods Like Men, set in White Wolf's Scion.  The first post regarding The Greatest of Evils should be up by the end of the weekend, detailing the dramatis personae and the plot of the first game.